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Clown dies of laughter
Local entertainer Don Milton, better known as Squeaky, died from asphyxiation Wednesday after inhaling too much helium from a balloon and launching into a frenzy of comically high-pitched pleas for help.
Children and parents attending Clint Braden’s seventh birthday party could only roll on the floor with laughter as each desperate, high-octave shout sent the clown further into absolutely hysterical respiratory failure.
Milton (Squeaky) was performing a regular routine in which he would inhale helium from a balloon to achieve his trademark ‘squeaky’ voice that proved very popular with children.
“It’s hard to hold in my laughter even now,” said Jill Brody, parent and witness to Squeaky’s humorous passing. “[Squeaky] kept saying, ‘Help, I really can’t breathe.’ It was just brilliant the way he said it with that high voice. It even looked like real tears were streaming down his cheeks. He was such a committed performer.”
Parents are worried about their children who witnessed the side-splitting fatality before their eyes. “I am afraid every time my child sees a clown he will start bursting into laughter,” said concerned parent Jim Wearbayer. “Plus, now he will think death isn’t a terrible, gruesome thing to fear constantly until he dies.”
Children at the party reported the event to be one of the most entertaining birthdays on record. “When the clown fell over it was even funnier,” said Kim Brody, child partygoer. “I liked it when he made the balloon animals and when he kept pounding on his chest and talking like a chipmunk.”
“When the foam came out of his mouth it was funny,” added seven-year-old Jackson Doudy.
Squeaky’s funeral is set for Sunday afternoon at 1 p.m. and is open to the public. There will be a 21 balloon-pop salute to honor Squeaky just before the ceremony. In lieu of flowers, the Milton family asks to please make donations to the Helium Awareness Society.
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